Your Life Isn’t a Side Hustle

‘We cannot get good and then start. We have to start and then get good.’

You know those statements that you hear once that stick with you forever? That’s what hearing that at a seminar was like for me.

Starting something new is hard. And it can make us feel clumsy and unprepared at first. Do you remember the last time you started something new? An instrument or a new sport? It’s always uncomfortable feeling like you’re not good at something, but we have to begin somewhere.

That is why I began to blog. It was 2016, and I had always said I was going to write a book someday. I was not a strong student, so I’ve always battled a little undercurrent of ‘you’re not good enough’ when it comes to writing.

We call it Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis, but rather the persistent belief that you’re a ‘fraud.’ Or you might be someone who often feels like you don’t belong, despite clear evidence of your competence and achievements. It’s often paired with fear of being ‘found out.’

Imposter syndrome can often keep us from getting started because it makes the uncomfortable feelings around getting started feel insurmountable.

But how do we ever get to ‘expert level’ if we don’t begin?

In the Gilded Age, most people started as apprentices, learning and refining their craft before becoming journeymen or masters. Without that pathway, we’ve lost something.

So, on my journey to write a book, I started blogging and publishing. I set the deadline of having things online at a certain time, even if only my Uncle Larry was reading it. (He always did!)

I treated the book like one big blog. There was never going to be a perfect time to write it. Not while raising kids, working, and juggling all the everyday commitments that filled my life.

There is no “right time.” Life doesn’t slow down and give us a clear window whenever we want it. Things don’t settle the way we hope they might. We live in motion. One thing ends, another begins.

So instead of waiting for a perfect time, I started writing in the in-between. I decided to take steps towards my dream, even in the chaos of life.

THAT is the subject of my book. How to thrive in a world of constant change.

Life IS the main event

This is a reminder to myself, especially when I’m tempted to put something off.

When I first blogged about writing this book, I said, “Your life is not your side hustle.” This realization solidified for me when I was coming up on my 40th birthday.

As my birthday inched closer, I took stock of my life. I realized that I’m probably never going to have everything in my life all together at the same time. There is always going to be something that needs my attention.

And the realization was liberating. Life is never going to be perfect! I still need to focus on work, paying bills, and raising kids. But the idea of letting go of perfection gave me space to breathe.

I could look at aspects of my life that were working, and use maintenance energy to maintain them. And then look at the parts of my life that needed to be addressed, and shift my focus to them.

Picking a couple of things to focus on is less overwhelming than trying to be perfect, afterall.

There is only so much time to get things done. There are no guarantees even with the best laid plans and flawless execution. However, when we put all our time into ruminating on the past or planning for our future, we can forget all together about the present moment.

What’s the book about

Thriving in Chaos is my attempt to look at life from three perspectives: the past, the present, and the future.

It’s about finding purpose in the midst of constant change. Learning to hold on to hope, especially when things feel uncertain.

I chose the word thriving in the present tense because it reflects an ongoing journey. A process we engage in, one day at a time. Thriving isn’t a destination; it’s the way we live, moment by moment, as we learn to pay attention to the things that really matter.

When I’m unsure where to place my focus, I think about the life I want to be living. And I ask myself, “Do you want to take this into your future?”

That question helps me look at old wounds, unprocessed emotions, and anything that feels too heavy to carry any farther. We need to look at the past and decide what to put down.

We begin the book by taking a look at your story. How did you get here? What is your prologue? And we end with setting intentions for the future. How do you want your life to feel?

The Narrative of Life

Because I am a narrative therapist, I like using stories to illustrate my points, including my own story. (Hey, if I’m asking you to be vulnerable, I should be too.)

Each chapter includes a story to show how to practically work through something like taking stock or holding space.

Each chapter includes a reflective activity to help deepen your understanding. These practices are designed to offer insight, especially into areas where you may feel stuck. You might map out a life graph to spot patterns, or explore a question that gently shifts your perspective.

It can be helpful to remember that the thing you’re trying to work through may have happened when you were 5, 10, or 15 years old.

What could we really expect from a child or an adolescent?

We always feel like ourselves, no matter how old we were at the time. But gaining perspective on when something happened is an important part of healing. It helps us meet those younger versions of ourselves with more compassion.

There is no destination. Life is a journey.

That’s not just a comforting phrase. It’s the foundation of the healing work I do and what I wrote about in this book. When we begin to shift our focus, we can meet each day with intention and keep ourselves grounded in the present.

We witness life as it unfolds, rather than rushing toward some imagined finish line.

We lighten the past by tending to old hurts. We steady ourselves by naming our values and doing our best to live by them. We choose the future we want to grow toward.

These are skills we need for the art of living.

This book is my way of showing you how, with practices you can return to again and again. With practice, your sense of self expands, and you have more to work with.

We call this self-authorship. You are the writer of your story; you decide what belongs. There will be obstacles, maybe even dragons. They do not disqualify you; they deepen the plot.

One day, we will look back on these chapters, some with tenderness, some with regret. Begin that reflection now. Cultivate a simple practice of bearing witness as your life unfolds.